Post No.: 0931
Furrywisepuppy says:
Things in life don’t always go to plan. Things maybe more often don’t go to plan than do. But an interesting life doesn’t run linearly but adapts, sometimes to the left, sometimes to the right, and has its highs and lows. There’s indeed a dilemma between expressing determination (or stubbornness) and change (or capriciousness) so there’s no generic answer regarding whether to stick with something or give up – but you’ve got to be able to show that you can do either. And whatever direction you choose – have a direction and plan then commit to it with all your energy (we can have multiple ambitions and careers in life but some require a single-minded focus at the time) unless the facts change.
Visualising an end goal, like the academic qualification you want, can get or keep you motivated to reach it. But of course alone that’s not enough. Fantasising about being on your own luxury yacht one day won’t suddenly ‘manifest’ it. The psychological technique of ‘visualisation’ can help make you feel good for a moment and remind you of your goals, but conjuring up an escapist dream isn’t the aim – putting your plan into concrete action is. Be brave and proactive to make the moves to get what you want!
The trick with effective visualisation is being optimistic but also realistic about the problems you’ll encounter along the way. Those who are more realistic concerning their current situation, however disadvantaged or negative it may be, will more likely act and therefore make progress towards achieving their goals, be it in their relationships, career, weight loss or whatever. You must be prepared for the frequent setbacks littered along the road to success otherwise it’ll potentially shatter your motivation once you encounter an inevitable obstacle.
So it’s about balancing having a realistic assessment of the road towards your desired destination with an understanding of the benefits of reaching that place so that you’ll persevere in the face of difficulties. Visualise yourself doing the practical steps needed to achieve your ambition – not merely being at the finish line. Adopt a third-person perspective i.e. visualise yourself as others will see you. For some people, particularly children, it works even better to visualise the perspective of an exemplar or hero (fictional or real) and then ask ‘what would they do in this situation?’
Something you could try is using 12 chairs to mark out 12 stages of your journey. Each chair will represent a period of time (e.g. a week, month, quarter) in the project time that lies ahead of you. Now imagine and visualise where you want to be by the end of this project (perhaps you want to pass an exam, have a book published or be running your own business). Enjoy the idea of succeeding and reaching your goal.
Following the path that you’ve set yourself, walk to the end of the row of chairs and continue to visualise being there for a moment. Now from here, you’re going to retrace your steps back over those 12 time periods to work out exactly what you must do, and when, in order to achieve your objectives.
This exercise is flexible and your plan doesn’t have to be set in stone, but the key is to have a plan. And by starting the exercise from where you want to end up, as opposed to thinking of the long journey ahead, you’ll find it easier to plan your journey, and it’ll feel more motivating since every task you take has a definite purpose and connection to your intended destination. Plus by being more organised with a practical plan, there’s more chance your dreams will become reality.
Something else you can try with visualisation is if anything is bothering you then, in your mind, shrink that thought down, desaturate it, diminish and somewhat emotionally detach from it. Alternatively, if you want to feel more excitement about something then make the mental picture big, bright, vibrant, up-close and through a first-person perspective. Physically lift up your head and fluffy shoulders too. Deliberately visually and emotionally concentrate on turning those negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Visualise your confidence through a confident self-image.
Don’t suffer from ‘false hope syndrome’, where we repeatedly fall for unrealistic expectations. It’ll give us a great feeling of empowerment and optimism as we attempt something (like lose a stone in weight within a week), but it can easily lead to overconfidence… and then distress when we fail because our expectations were unrealistic. Yet we may nevertheless try again some other time with the delusion that ‘this time it’ll be different’.
Don’t underestimate the amount of time and effort that doing something major will require. Skilful people make things look easy but behind the scenes it still all boils down to planning, research, training and preparation. A parkour route and routine or a comedy stand-up routine may look spontaneous but they’ll have been well planned and rehearsed. So it takes hard work. The ‘10,000 hours of practice to master anything’ claim is a gross over-generalisation though – it depends highly on what the skill is. But it’s true that skills need lots of training to master.
We’re often too optimistic regarding how long a task will take, especially when working in groups. We also tend to forget to factor in potential problems, delays or overages, as we assume that all will go to plan. You need to base your time estimates on how long past similar projects actually took. Or break down the task into its constituent steps and time each step before making your overall time estimate.
Your locus of control indicates how much you believe things are under your control. Those who work hard tend to be those who believe less in external fate and more in their own internal locus of control – they believe that their level of effort will make a difference to the outcome rather than believe that it’s all futile or out of their own paws. It’s healthy to feel in control of what you are in control of, like your ability to change an unhealthy diet or improve your temperament. However, it’ll become delusional if you start to believe you’re in control of things you’re not in control of or aren’t even there to be controlled, like using superstitious charms to avoid catching a virus, ‘manifesting’ via positive thoughts to obtain whatever one desires, or thinking that spreading the awareness of a conspiracy theory will thwart it when no such conspiracy exists.
Also, being optimistic is important but it doesn’t always mean ‘cross your claws, don’t worry about it, forget about it for now, it’ll all be fine’. Being in denial of reality will bite us one day sooner or later. Most problems are better off acknowledged and dealt with early.
But the successful do continually pick themselves back up again – that’s the primary difference between those who win and those who lose. Many people find success after a major failure. It’s not so much about how hard or often you get knocked down but how you get up again. Nothing is over until you’re over (and you’re obviously not over because you’re reading this!) No matter how bad life has been or is – life can restart again at any age with a positive plan for the furry future and a dose of inspiration!
Sometimes people apologise for giving advice or feel bad for making a choice that was the best choice at the time but later proved to be disastrous – but they should forgive themselves and others shouldn’t complain to them because it was the best advice or decision based on the information available at the time. No one has perfect foresight. What’s right is to change one’s views in the face of new and overwhelming evidence.
A rational decision doesn’t mean ‘wins every time’. Likewise, an overly risky decision that turned out successful still won’t have been a good decision – one was just lucky this time. If we keep making the most rational decisions at the time we must make them then we’ll overall come out on top if we take a broad-frame view.
Although we’re only as strong as our weakest links – regarding one’s career – it’s often not about being above average in as many respects as possible but shining exceptionally in just one single aspect i.e. sometimes you just have to be exceptionally good at one thing and nothing else. It’s about concentrating on your niche competency or ‘unique selling proposition’.
Whenever thinking about taking on something major – consider the anticipation (sometimes waiting longer for something can increase one’s total enjoyment because the anticipation itself is pleasurable – this includes things like waiting for luxury purchases ordered online to arrive), the experience itself, and how you’ll feel about it afterwards (e.g. education can sometimes feel like a slog but you’ll feel fantastic about what you’ve learnt even decades down the line).
Try to match your internal goals with any external environment goals, including achieving harmony with other people’s goals. A variety of goals in life is commendable but how they harmonise instead of conflict is more crucial. Will that external goal ever truly satisfy your internal goals? It’s back to the fundamental question of ‘why do you do what you do?’ Will the sacrifice and effort you put into your work likely match the reward you’ll get back? If not then readdress this balance or alter your ambitions.
It helps to arrange your environment to make it more conducive for working on the work you want to work on. If your desk is cluttered with distracting objects or other tasks, for instance, then you’re going to find it harder to do the task you want to do. Behaviour occurs as a result of antecedent events that have already taken place, that lead you towards particular behaviours that have consequences. A classic example is if you stock your house with tempting snacks then you’re going to end up eating them! So to change behaviour, the antecedents and/or consequences need to change (the push and pull factors).
For change, we’ve got to break out of our old, unhelpful, habits and routines, which might mean breaking the short-term rewarding or comforting feelings they give us; as well as concurrently cultivating new, healthier, habits and routines. Remove the temptations and you won’t be tempted no matter your natural disposition. It’s like if a person becomes obnoxious only when they’re drunk – they can be a fine person throughout their life if they simply never drink to get drunk! And this can be achieved by removing the temptation of alcohol, which might be partly down to choosing a different set of friends to hang around with. For any realistic chance of tackling an addiction, one needs to remove oneself from the environments (including people, equipment, etc.) where these habits have been reinforced. The same with trying to get over a loss or similar – change as many of your life patterns as possible to disrupt the connection and reminders between your new life and your old one (e.g. meet new people, visit new places). Therefore that change of hairstyle after a relationship break-up might be intuitively wise! Perhaps do something positive to honour a deceased loved one that they would’ve liked, maybe every anniversary, to reframe their death from sad to acceptance.
And remember that right now is all that really matters because the past cannot be changed, and the future is written by the plans and actions of today. Use your past not to dwell on but to learn from for the benefit of today. If the gravitational pull towards an impending future disaster has become unavoidable, that’s even more reason to focus on enjoying the present; albeit one mustn’t mistake a future that can be changed with one that can’t, otherwise one can live for the present at the expense of the future.
Woof!
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