Post No.: 0817
Fluffystealthkitten says:
If you like someone – don’t hesitate to approach them and introduce yourself! Introverts also need to make the first moves otherwise no one might to discover if each other is single and interested in each other. Be warm, open and welcoming. Be confident yet humble, and pleasant to be with, whether with them alone or within a group. Make jokes, be witty and don’t take yourself too seriously. Be a bit mischievous and nonchalant. Tease them in flirty ways. And show your big eyes and big smiles!
For guys in particular, give confident and expansive entrances whenever walking into any place – pause at the entrance then move to the centre of the room before scanning the room to find your date. Think and feel sexy, confident and happy. Stand straight, head up, yet relaxed in body language. Be confident in them too. If with a group, be the centre of attention without being loud and self-centred. Don’t be timid! Show leadership and initiate ideas but do involve everyone there too. Exude charm – all with an air of mystery i.e. don’t be too animated.
Mysterious people can seem more attractive because we may be drawn towards wanting to find out more about them. They don’t brag much, which therefore also suggests they listen more than talk. The less we know about someone, the less chance we’ll know something that puts us off them too!
When chatting – ask, “How do you spend your time?” rather than, “What do you do?” The latter sounds like it reduces people to their jobs. And ask questions like, “What’s your perfect day?” and other questions that explore hopeful and happy thoughts, more than perfunctory queries about their current life that sound more like an interview or judgement on how their life might be presently or up to now.
Avoid disclosing too many droll clichés or vapid facts about yourself at first, even if they seem important to you. Encourage them to talk about themselves in fun and offbeat ways, like if they were on The Masked Singer, what would their costume be? These make you stand out against the repetitious clichés hence make you more memorable, original and fun. Getting people to open up about themselves in creative, funny and unusual ways promotes a sense of closeness. Check out Post No.: 0802 too.
Yet, when on a date, you do need to broach serious, perhaps controversial, issues that matter too, to work out whether you’re ultimately mutually compatible, like your current life situation, dreams, what you cannot live without, and what you cannot live with. Small talk won’t achieve that. It’s not just about impressing each other. Yet do save some information for later dates.
Don’t be afraid of intimate conversation, like talking about life and death, love and sorrow, disclosing personal information or talking about your private lives. This promotes closeness too. Be deeply interested in getting them to share their personal stories with you – so ask about their passions and goals, perfect dinner guests, how they consider themselves lucky, their happiest and most embarrassing days of their life so far, what one object they’d save if their house was burning down, or simply ask what’s the most crucial thing to know about them? Yet ensure the give-and-take of information is more-or-less balanced between you and them. It’s also vital to build up the self-disclosure gradually and appropriately. Try talking about things you both dislike as well as like – agree about dislikes as well as likes. Overall look for connections or commonalities rather than points of difference.
Reciprocal self-disclosure is an excellent way to bond and get to know someone – so tell them a bit about yourself, then immediately ask them to tell you a bit about themselves, like your and their opinions, backgrounds, life, hopes, hobbies, etc.. Have more heart-to-heart conversations than polite small talk. Their and your self-disclosure will make them and you feel more invested in the interaction, and in turn the relationship. So to increase feelings of closeness and connection with another person – reciprocally ask and answer questions that facilitate self-disclosure at about the same pace as each other. You must respond positively to each other’s self-disclosure too, with understanding, validation and care. This is simply the gradual getting-to-know-you process – that increasingly reveals personal information about yourselves – that deep and lasting relationships of all kinds go through. A self-deprecating story can also help trigger trust and cooperation. So you have to open up to each other, even though there’s a risk of coming on too strong or embarrassing yourself :$.
Flattery is a good opening gambit when flirting, but try not to state clichés they may have heard a billion times already. Get to know them better to know what sort of compliments will matter most to them, like their aptitude for geeky interests or proud gym performances. You can uncover these via the reciprocal self-disclosure process. The rarer and more insightful the comments the better.
Some women actually find it awkward or vulnerable to be called pretty sometimes. Some would rather be known for something other than just their skin-deep features. Some find it creepy to be called pretty by individuals they barely know, based on their past experiences with lecherous men who only wanted one thing! They perhaps have inner beauty, class and depth, and intellectual interests and goals? Besides, youthful physical beauty doesn’t last forever and we’re on average living longer years beyond our physical primes i.e. longer years when we cannot rely primarily on our physical assets. (Even Hollywood actresses and supermodels understand that Botox injections won’t stop a younger woman from taking their place.) Everyone will eventually end up as a wrinkly, hunched bag(!) Forward-looking women and men must therefore understand that they must be more than just their physical assets, and must also look for more than physical assets in others, for a love that lasts.
So highlight something that’s not generic or as widely known about them. Compliment them genuinely and with specific examples – this’ll express a deep fascination in them as an individual, as if the compliment couldn’t be given to anyone else but them. It’ll mark yourself out as a unique individual too, which you must do. So only give and show sincere and personal praise and appreciation, not ‘general flattery’, and highlight only the positives about them. People like those who like them and what they do and believe in. But don’t go overboard! Perhaps start off lukewarm then become more positive towards the end of the date. Don’t rush in with constant praise or agreement.
Asking for help is flattering too. We virtually all want to be (not needy but) needed – so make them feel needed. Asking for their advice on a personal problem would indicate that you value their thoughts. It’s not just what you do for them but what they invest in you that’ll build their desire and bond for you.
If you have a disagreement then disagree but try to collaborate cordially towards agreement to show that they can have an impact on your mind (if possible i.e. don’t deny reality to accommodate falsehoods or be a pushover and accept disrespect for your views). Arrogance and intransigence are typically turn-offs. If you can show that you listen and are willing to take on board what they’re saying then it’s an extremely attractive thing!
Be wary of giving backhanded compliments like, “You look stunning for your age”, “That dress makes you look thinner” or, “I didn’t expect you to do so well so congratulations” because these never go down well(!)
Touching someone (not too firmly) on the upper arm (and nowhere else) for a second or two (and no longer) and smiling warmly (not grinning) and gazing (not staring) at their eyes (not chest or crotch!) whilst simultaneously delivering a compliment (not a backhanded one) – can make someone more helpful, generous and amenable to what you then ask for. In this case it could be a dance or their phone number.
If they give an eyebrow flash, it may signal their attraction. If they additionally nod and smile, it may signal their love. And if they additionally lick or bite their lips, it may signal lust.
Be indefatigable and patient. Constantly build small steps at a time closer towards intimacy. Gradually build up the kinaesthetic touching as it feels right and consensual. Give regular anticipated attention to build an intimate fluffy bond. Do so gently and naturally but gather a momentum of affirmative responses and comfort before trying to get any closer.
People will generally like you more if you’re caring, kind and give gifts to them (in terms of either material goods, time or other desirables). Be willing to receive too, and never use generosity as a desperate attempt to ingratiate yourself with anyone, as this’ll express neediness. Like with self-disclosure, reciprocity is key, and there’s a tacit power of reciprocation whenever we do something for others or others do something for us.
But never put pressure on them to reciprocate any feelings of affection or commitment. If you get rejected then be gracious. Say, “That’s okay, maybe another time?” and move at least a few metres away. A platonic friendship is still possible. Some people say they prefer to date those who’ve been a friend for a long time because they’ll already know them quite well to know how compatible they likely are. Others however think that once someone has been a friend for a long time, it’s awkward to ever date them and a romantic split would risk jeopardising the friendship they had too. Friendship could be said to be about attention, understanding, acceptance, appreciation and respect. Love could be said to be all the above plus affection and passion.
Whatever the case, don’t try too hard because when you chase things, their instinct is to run away (that’s the life of a cat!) Don’t ever plead or show pathetic sulkiness, cringe-worthy overbearing neediness or over-emotional yearning! You must show that you can be independent. You must show respect for yourself too.
People are sometimes cautious about ‘too good to be true’ types as long-term propositions. If you do seem ‘too perfect’ – maybe keep some of your assets under wraps during the initial dates. Modesty is generally attractive anyway. You need to sell yourself – but do so mainly through deeds not words.
Nonetheless, we often possess fantasies of our ‘purrfect partner’. Yet when it comes to whom we end up finding attractive, our chosen partners aren’t quite like what we said we were looking for on paper! We often have unrealistic wish lists when we’ve little experience of what we’re looking for. This includes things like what we think will be the ‘perfect house’ for us too. So we shouldn’t judge too strongly before we see and get to know someone or something for real. We’re hardly perfect ourselves either! It therefore helps to keep an open mind.
If you’re currently an adolescent, you may hold an idea of your ideal partner and would describe some surface traits like a cute face, callipygous bod, rugged features and/or someone who’s rich. You’ll probably most fancy whom is most physically gorgeous/handsome, and may even enter relationships with such people even though they’re ultimately bitches, bullies or otherwise not right for you. But you’ll (hopefully) eventually grow up, gain more experience in relationships and learn that these kinds of traits matter far less than things like moral, intellectual and emotional compatibility. (So there’s a greater risk when marrying relatively young.) Sexual experimentation with consenting parties is fine, but once you decide whom you want to actually live with every day for the foreseeable future – no pretty face or chiselled physique is worth the aggro of living with someone who’s got nothing inside them or won’t treat you right. It’s difficult to convince a hormone-fuelled horny adolescent about this though!
Meow!
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