Post No.: 0944
Furrywisepuppy says:
The two components of hope could be identified as agency thinking and pathway thinking – or a will and a way. When we’re full of hope, we act with intention (keeping our goals in mind) and with the confidence to navigate challenges (exploring alternative paths to meet those goals). With hope, you feel lifted and the future looks a little clearer rather than heavy with a murky forecast.
Hope is a commitment to believing in your own capability and efficacy to see your way forward. And it’s a skill that can be nurtured. Firstly, you should believe in yourself. Believe in what you do. Believe that you can reach your goals. Practise self-care and learn how to navigate self-criticism. (Now self-care doesn’t mean we ought to sort our own struggles alone – it means doing what’s best for our own welfare, which may precisely mean reaching out to others for help and sharing a load.) Reorient your thoughts by answering what are some of your past successes, accomplishments or positive impacts on others? What are the things you do quite well? What do you value in yourself? Woof!
Seek inspiration. When we see those we admire succeed or grow, we can experience a vicarious sense of hope that anything’s possible. Fictional heroes may actually be better than real-life heroes here because we’ll be less inclined to measure ourselves against these ideals and find ourselves wanting by comparison. Whom we class as heroes don’t have to be grandiose though but quietly courageous, authentic and vulnerable yet not afraid to show it. These latter types can inspire us without making us feel inadequate by comparison. They can make us feel safe to feel vulnerable if and when that’s authentically how we feel.
Hope grows out of pragmatism and commitment. So move forwards with action. Feeling hopeful connects with feeling that you have purpose and what you do has a greater meaning in life. So what do you stand for? And how will you uphold these values through your actions? You should periodically remind yourself of your long-term purpose and goals to help you understand that all the grind and pain will be worth it. Action helps you to make forward progress. Foreseeing obstacles and planning several possible ways of getting to where you want to go will help too; as will mentors or supporters of your vision. If we can see a path forwards towards a goal that’s meaningful to us, and we believe in our ability to navigate it – we’re more hopeful. It’s the opposite of feeling stuck, lost or futile.
Setting goals is arguably vital for meaning, hope and a sense of progress. What are we ultimately hoping for? But there are good goals and bad goals; win-win non-zero sum goals that encompass the welfare of others (e.g. one’s community) as well as oneself; and win-lose zero sum goals (e.g. a single-minded commitment to career success and material gains to fulfil one’s own desires, at the expense of one’s relationships). Blind optimism or wishful-thinking goals aren’t beneficial because they don’t lead to making concrete step-by-step plans for achieving a desired objective nor proceeding with caution in the face of risks that may stand in the way.
Goals that increase feelings of autonomy, competence or connection with others also lead to greater happiness and satisfaction i.e. not those that are just about the highest salary or prestige. And intrinsic motivations such as challenge, mastery, curiosity, cooperation and purpose are better than extrinsic ones like money, fame or ‘means to an end’ tasks. Intrinsic goals satisfy our innate psychological needs for autonomy, connectedness, competence and growth, and are inherently satisfying to do for their own sake. Many people assume that extrinsic goals, like riches, once reached, will bring them lasting happiness like a furrytale ‘and they lived happily ever after’ ending – but this kind of happiness is prone to hedonic adaptation and thus can feel only fleeting. Most people who earn an average salary say they’d be most satisfied with a little bit more. But when you ask people who currently earn that amount, they say they’d be most satisfied with a little bit more. Yet when you ask those earning that latter amount, they say they’d be most satisfied with a little bit more. And so on and on! It’d be perfect if we could all find an intrinsically satisfying career that just so happens to make a comfortable living.
Mayhap it’s best not to peak in life too soon (like a child superstar) because life then just feels like it’s only going downhill from there? We must always feel we have something meaningful to live for. One can even fall into depression during retirement if one’s self-worth is tied too much to one’s external achievements because what use is one now? So intrinsic goals are better because not only do these goals lead to happiness but the journey is enjoyable, satisfying and meaningful too. A more complete happy life is one that has positive experiences throughout, nearly every day, not just hopefully at the end.
Too much daily stress, emotional exhaustion, a high workload, a sense of detachment from one’s work, and perfectionism yet feeling a lack of self-efficacy, can all reduce our hope. But there’s always hope if something isn’t yet over.
Optimism – of the kind that makes one believe that one’s efforts will be worth it – is vital for one’s well-being and perhaps longevity. Without some fluffy optimism, we won’t believe that facing our fears or challenges will be worth it so we won’t even try; never mind try our best. And for the things we must do or could always do – optimism reduces our stress and increases task enjoyment. Optimism is advantageous as long as it’s not about fantasy or recklessness.
‘A pessimist is never disappointed’ – but they’re guaranteed to be gloomily pessimistic! Meanwhile, an optimist takes their chances and at least sometimes wins. Or if they lose, they can pick themselves back up again if they stay optimistic. People who are miserable, and therefore complain more, like about their salary, might end up becoming wealthier for never being satisfied – but of course they’re miserable and never satisfied!
If happiness is the ultimate aim in life (which it arguably is, even for those who want to be rich – that’s precisely why they want to be rich) then would one rather possess that prize with the right mindset right now, or merely have a better ability to possess that prize in the future, maybe? Well, if you’ve won, you’ve won – if you’re happy, you’re happy! So someone who’s insecure and never satisfied may be more driven to earn more money, but they ultimately only want the same feeling that those who are satisfied with less (but still have enough) feel. And it’s not even true that miserable people end up financially wealthier on average for being more driven anyway!
But like happiness in general, it’s okay to have off-moments or off-days. Relentlessly cheerful people can also be annoying(!) And for ‘defensive pessimists’, constantly trying to be positive and optimistic can be stressful itself – these types of people lower their expectations to help them plan and prepare for the worst. Optimism that leads to ignorance is how we can sleepwalk into disasters.
So some pessimism has its advantages as long as it’s not overblown. Insecurities aren’t always bad – when they drive us to prove that we have something that we feel (others think) we lack, we can end up improving that aspect about us (e.g. if we think other people think we’re not kind enough, we may act more kindly in public). Too much self-assurance can result in complacency. So it’s about how we turn our insecurities into positive action and self-improvement.
Whereas hope feels there’s a chance, optimism feels there’s a great chance. Overall we should hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Gratitude has the power to heal, motivate, energise and also give hope. By allowing us to take stock of the things that are in our favour and to be thankful for, we feel more optimism going forwards in what we do.
A hundred successes or good things can happen in our day but we’ll focus on that one failure or negative comment. Gratefulness can therefore be particularly helpful during difficult times, by strengthening our ability to reframe and put things into better perspective, which is a key healthy coping skill.
Feeling grateful in these circumstances is tough – but it’s not so much about feeling grateful but being grateful. We cannot easily will ourselves to feel certain emotions. Our feelings follow from the way we look at the world – our thoughts about the way things are, the way things should be in our opinion, and the disparity between these two positions, are what determine the way we feel. But being grateful is a choice – it allows us to view life in its entirety and not fixate on or be overwhelmed by temporary circumstances; to look for the positive outcomes of negative events, the opportunities from the obstacles.
For hope to fluoresce, you’re trying to find the positives, not deny the negatives. So it doesn’t mean denying our feelings of pain or suffering – they’re a part of life too. Suffering is a part of life that most, if not all, of us face at least occasionally in our lives. It’s just about making sure we don’t get stuck in a rut for long and we find a way out or find closure eventually. The overall goal is to not relive or ruminate on a negative experience but to try and form a new perspective on it – simply rehearsing an upsetting event makes us feel worse about it hence this kind of catharsis has rarely been effective. Emotional venting without accompanying insight doesn’t produce change – no amount of thinking or writing about an event will help you unless you take a fresh, redemptive perspective on it. Gratefulness is that perspective and it’s a skill that anyone can learn by deliberately noticing and saying thank you to the good things in one’s life so that they’re not taken for granted.
So being grateful isn’t wishful thinking – it’s just a different perspective on things. Even when being grateful, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel negative emotions. They just won’t be overblown in relation to the positives. It magnifies positive feelings rather than removes negative feelings. Even a paraplegic person still has so much that they’re able to do.
Finding the silver linings from terrible events can help us to count our blessings. Well during the darkest of days, the slimmest shards of light will shine bright. You’ll find hope in humanity.
Gratitude doesn’t stop us from striving for more – it just makes us aware of what we’ve already got. And often when we realise we’ve got quite a lot already, it drives us to go that little bit further i.e. it feels like there’s hope – like it’s easier to get that icing on the cake than feel hopeless that one doesn’t even have a cake anyway so why bother with any of it? It makes endeavours feel like ‘it’s just an extra mile’ instead of ‘it’s miles away so forget about it’. We start to feel that at least some things are on our side to succeed. Feeling less resignation and more hope makes us more motivated and energised to face new challenges. It also helps us to realise what’s truly important to us – the things that really bring us happiness today and will therefore bring us happiness in the future. So actively identifying sources of gratitude today (e.g. a fantastic loyal family) can stop us from naïvely striving for superficial things that we think will bring us happiness and gratefulness in the future but won’t.
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